


Number Five's Infinite Playlist

by SRassier



Category: The Umbrella Academy (Comics), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Gen, Music
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:41:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22298737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SRassier/pseuds/SRassier
Summary: Number Five sets out to find the perfect kind of music for him. Will his siblings be of any help? Probably not, but they will certainly try.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 37





	Number Five's Infinite Playlist

**Author's Note:**

> This idea came about because I was wondering what Sirius XM station Diego would listen to.

Five didn’t care much for birthdays. It’s not that he didn’t see the appeal. He remembered being a very young boy, looking forward to October 1 and anticipating the meager ‘gifts’ his father gave them. An extra hour of free time and a cake after dinner. No candles, no singing, the only presents were the ones they got each other or from Mom and Pogo. Every year the day meant less and less until it was just a mathematical tool to know how old he was.  
In one month, the Umbrella Academy would be turning 30. The events of April seemed years in the past. Each one of the family trying their best to have whatever kind of normal life they could, knowing that they were the only 7 people who knew how close they all came to the end of the world.   
Luther and Vanya were still tiptoeing around each other. Luther’s huge shoulders carrying guilt from locking her in the basement and Vanya just trying to convince him that it was alright. Diego had moved back into the house to oversee the rebuilding process. He knew nothing about construction, but he wanted to be in charge of something, so he was taking this task very seriously. Each day as Klaus became more sober and his powers became more honed, Ben spent more and more time in the land of the living. Sometimes even being able to stay in a room for a few minutes after Klaus had gone.  
As for Klaus and Allison. Their lives were consumed with party planning. They would both run around the house asking everyone for their opinion. What color should the decorations be? Who should be invited? What food should we serve? It was all becoming annoying to everyone in the house, most of all, to Five.   
He had spent the last week or so actively avoiding the pair, hoping that they would get the hint and just leave him alone. He poked his head into the library to see that the coast was clear. When he saw that the space was empty, he smiled, walked over to the big couch, plopped down on it and opened a textbook on thermonuclear fusion. After a few minutes, he could feel someone behind him, breathing. “What?”  
“What cha doin?” Klaus sing-songed into Five’s ear, causing him to shrug his shoulder the way one would after receiving a wet willy.  
“Reading. What does it look like I’m doing, moron?”  
“Looks like you are avoiding me and Allison.” Klaus hopped over the back of the couch to plunk down next to his brother.  
“Very perceptive,” he answered, not lifting his eyes off the text.  
“It’s a gift. SO!” Five finally looked up to meet Klaus’ eyes. “Music.”  
“What?”  
“Allison and I are making a playlist for the party and we want to make sure everyone is covered. You refused to participate in the meal planning, the decoration committee, and the making of the guest list but this one I will not let slide.” He pulled out a small notebook and pen. “What is your favorite kind of music?”  
Five furrowed his brow, knowing that Klaus would not like his answer but figured answering him was the only way to get him to go away. “I don’t have any.”  
“What do you mean? Everyone has SOMETHING they like.”  
“Nope.” Five closed the textbook and stood up, happy that it would be this easy to frustrate the ‘party planning committee.’ “Never listened to it as a kid, then I spent a few decades with no electricity, then a few more years being a bitter, angry assassin who actively tried to not do anything nice for myself to keep me angry. Keep me sharp.” He smiled and shrugged. “I literally have no idea what kind of music I would even like if I wanted to start listening.” He turned on his heels and walked out the door, leaving a flabbergasted Klaus in his wake.  
Five figured he only had a few minutes before Klaus and Allison followed him to his room to try to ‘fix’ this. There was nothing to fix. Five knew nothing about music. He sat on his bed and wondered if music would have changed anything about him. Sure, it would have been nice to know some songs to sing to Delores or even something upbeat to listen to as he worked out. After giving it some thought, he decided that he would like to have a favorite type of music. Now the only thing to do was to figure out what it was. He opened his notebook to a fresh page and started writing out a plan.

Luther was sitting in his room, working on a model airplane when there was a faint knock at the door behind him. He turned to see Five standing in the doorway with his hands shoved deep in his pockets. He leaned over to his record player to turn down the sounds of pop music to that of a whisper. “Hey, Five. What’s up.”  
Five gestured to the record player with his head. “Why do you like her so much?”  
“What, Tiffany?”  
Five stepped into the room and walked over to Luther’s record collection and began slowing thumbing through the albums, reading the names and wondering if his favorite could be in here. “Yeah. What about it do you like?”  
“Um. I don’t know.” Luther watched as Five studied his albums, finally deciding that this wasn’t some kind of joke at his expense. “I like the way it makes me feel.” Five turned to look at him as he continued. “It makes me remember a simpler time. When I didn’t look like this, when we were kids and didn’t have the worries that we have as adults.”  
Five scoffed. “We had more worries than other kids our age.”  
“Yeah, but we were still kids. Still worried about schoolwork, getting in trouble, girls.” He blushed at the last thought but continued when he noticed that Five was listening. Genuinely listening. “It was before I knew there was an apocalypse, before I was this monster, before my brother went missing.” Five suddenly broke eye contact from him. “It…makes me feel like I’m young again. I like that feeling, so I listen.”   
Five turned back to the records. “Could you recommend a few for me to borrow? I’m doing an experiment.”  
Luther practically tripped over himself rushing to the shelf. “Absolutely!” He started sifting through the albums furiously trying to find just the right one to share with someone. After selecting the four that he considered the best, he passed them over to Five and smiled. “Enjoy!”  
“Thanks.” Five took the stack and headed down to the library to listen to Luther’s favorite music.

“Tiffany.” Five read before pulling the album out of the sleeve. He loaded the record and placed the needle down, sitting back as the song began. He first noticed the voice. She was young, if the picture on the cover was any indication, but she had a depth to her voice. Five wasn’t an immediate fan. “Too nasal.” He mumbled as the record continued to play. He busied himself with some math in his notebook as the album continued to spin. He didn’t particularly like it much, although he had to admit the one about the beating of their hearts made him start tapping his foot. When the music finally ended, he got up to change the selection.   
Reaching for the next record, Five noticed that it looked a lot like the first one. A teenage girl trying to look more adult. “I feel your pain ladies.” Five placed the Debbie Gibson album on the turnstile and started it up. Again, just an over produced song taking what Five figured would be a pretty voice, covered up by synth music and too much guitar. “Come on, Luther, give me something to work with.”  
He switched out the album hoping that Wham! Would give him something inspiring. It did not. Although much more upbeat than the last two artists, Five couldn’t see himself enjoying someone who used the phrase ‘wake me up before you go-go.’ He didn’t even get through the first song before taking the record off and putting the last one in its place. “Belinda Carlisle.” He read before sighing and resigning himself to his fate. “It’s worth a try.”   
The first song wasn’t too bad. Five thought she had a nice voice and the sentiment of heaven being a place on earth was comforting even if a bit cheesy. The next song started to play and the girl started talking about waves crashing, and tides being used as metaphors for love and Five stood up, saying aloud as he stopped the player, “Geez, might as well call it Sandcastles in the Sand and get it over with.”  
Not one to get frustrated with one setback, Five gathered the albums and started up the stairs to return them. He walked toward Luther’s room thinking about the next step of his plan. When he reached his brother’s room, it was empty. Good. He didn’t want to have to explain what he thought of his brother’s choices. He just left the records on the shelf and set off to find Diego.

Five found Diego following around some construction workers asking about timetables. “We are having a big party here next month and I want to make sure at least the common areas are done.” The workers nodded and assured him that, just like the conversation they had yesterday, they were right on schedule.   
The foreman didn’t seem too disappointed to have Five interrupt him and take Diego to the side. “Diego, do you have a minute?”  
“Uh yeah, but only a minute.” He kept one eye on the construction team and the other on Five. “What’s up?”  
“What kind of music do you like?” Five stood in front of him poised with a pen and notebook in hand, looking like a kid asking someone for help with a school report.   
“Why?”  
“I need to find out what music I like. I don’t really know any. So, I’m asking people for their favorite stuff and I’ll see which of them I will adopt as my ‘favorite.’”  
Diego squinted at the boy, noticing that there was no hint of malice in his voice. He was serious. “I guess…what you want like artists?”  
“Just give me four songs.”   
Diego’s eyes widened. “Just four songs?”  
“Yeah, Luther gave me four full albums and I cannot go through that again. I just want your four favorite songs and I’ll get my data from that.”  
Diego shook his head but didn’t argue. He just thought for a minute and finally blurted out the first four songs he thought of that he liked. “Lose Yourself by Eminem, Bodies by Drowning Pool, Turn Down for What by DJ Snake and Lil John and…Dear Mama, by Tupac.”   
Five furiously copied the names in his notebook before looking at Diego with a grin. “Thanks!” He turned and walked away, leaving Diego to wonder what just happened.  
He did not like Diego’s music. It was well written, and the rap songs had a certain appeal to them, but why was everything so angry? Five spent a lot of his life angry and he wasn’t about to start making his favorite music all about it as well. He decided that rap and metal were not for him and as he cruised through the house looking for Allison, he made a mental note to talk to Diego about maybe seeing a therapist.

Five found Allison and Klaus in the kitchen bending over some pamphlets on the table discussing the best caterer and barely noticing him walk in the room. “How’s it going?”  
Klaus and Allison looked up in shock. Klaus placed his hand over his heart in mock surprise. “What’s this? Little number Five actually CARES about the party planning committee?”  
“First off, you are two people. Hardly a committee. Second, I’m just trying to initiate a conversation so I can ask each of you a question.”  
“Pray tell, what can we help you with dear brother?”  
Five ignored the pandering and pulled out his notebook. “What are your four favorite songs?”  
Allison looked at Klaus and back to Five. “Why?”  
“I get it.” Klaus chimed in. “You don’t know about music so you want to know what we like…hoping that it will give you inspiration! That’s soooo sweet.”  
“You know what? Never mind. Sorry I asked.” Five started to close the notebook and Allison jumped up.  
“No, no, no! Ignore him. I’d love to help.”  
“Really?”  
“Yeah. I don’t know what I’d do without music. And when Klaus told me what you said earlier…it kind of made me sad for you.” Five rolled his eyes. “I don’t mean, pity sad, just…music is awesome. It can convey happiness, sadness, love, anger…”   
“Yeah, I listened to Diego’s list, I know all about the anger.”  
“I just mean that I think it’s kind of cool you get to experience music for the first time. I wish I could go back and listen to some of my favorite artists for the first time again.”  
Five reopened his notebook and looked at his sister hopefully. “I’m ready when you are.”  
“Can you give me a little time? How about you come back in an hour and Klaus and I will have lists for you.”  
“Ben too!” Klaus ditched the condescending act in favor of getting to influence a young mind (well old mind, young body) in the ways of good music.  
“Thanks guys. I’m going to go find Vanya.” Five left the room and for the next hour the party planning committee had a new mission.

Five found Vanya in the training room. She spent most of her days here, trying to hone her powers. As he approached the door, he saw her effortlessly moving a stack of mats one by one to the other side of the room. “You’re getting really good at that.”  
“Thanks.” She said as the last mat was placed in the pile. She turned to look at him and smiled. “What brings you down here? Wanna spar?”  
Five held his hands up in a defensive pose. “No thanks. Last time we did that I thought we’d have to call someone to dislodge me from the wall.”  
“Yeah, sorry about that.”  
“You know how you can make it up to me?”   
“How’s that?”  
Five pulled his notebook out of his pocket and made a show of clicking the pen before setting it down on the page like a reporter about to begin an interview. “What are your four favorite songs?”  
“I almost throw you through a brick wall and all I have to do for penance is give you my four favorite songs?” Vanya raised an eyebrow and gave him a smirk. “What do I get if I give you five songs?”  
“Ha. Ha. I’ve been asked by Klaus and Allison to give them my choices for a music playlist for our 30th, which I’ve been trying to remind them, I had 28 years ago. I’ve never really listened to music, so I thought I’d hear what you all listened to and go from there.”  
“Oh. Ok.” She tilted her head back in thought. “I think first I’d go with a Bowie song. Probably Ziggy Stardust.” Five scribbled down her words as she continued. “Then probably Why by Annie Lennox…Ballroom Blitz by The Sweet, and…Lust for Life by Iggy Pop.” Five finished writing and looked up at her with a bit of surprise. “What? Just because I play the violin doesn’t mean I only have to listen to classical.”   
Five nodded. “Thanks!” He turned and jogged out of the room with a bit more excitement than he anticipated. He loved a good research project and this one was turning out to be more interesting than he thought it would be.

Five made a show of checking his watch as he strolled back into the kitchen. “Ok, times up…I need those lists.”  
Allison handed two pieces of paper over to him as Klaus wrote furiously like a kid trying to finish a test before class ended. “He’s finishing up now.”  
“I just want it to be perfect.” He held the paper away from him like he was inspecting a work of art. Five reached over and snatched it out of his hands. “Hey!”  
“It doesn’t have to be perfect. I’m only looking for data.” Five shoved the papers into his pocket. “I’m going to the library. Don’t hold dinner for me.”  
He turned and left the party planning committee to their own devices and walked out the front door. He was anxious to get to the library, but he decided to enjoy the time alone and walk.

When he finally collected the music from the lists, he decided to go one by one through each sibling. Since he listened to One and Two’s lists already, numerical order seemed as good a method as any.   
“Ok Three, what have you got?” He pushed play on the first song and heard orchestra music leading up to some idiot whining ‘hey hey…’ Next, a chorus of whiners jumped in with an almost militant ‘Bye bye bye’ finally a wave of electronic drumbeats nearly crushed his eardrums and he reached over to turn off the recording.   
“Hopefully The…” He read the cover. “Backstreet Boys are more musical than N Sync.” He turned on the next selection. This one started much like the last one. Electronic music. He rolled his eyes but thought he’d give it a minute. The beat was nice and Five could see himself tapping along to it until he heard the background singers jumping in with “oooh oooh oooh oooh’ as if it was a real lyric. “Next!”  
The next one started with the sound of a revving motorcycle. Not a great start. Before any music is heard, a group of what Five can only imagine are teen boys whose voices haven’t changed yet screeching ‘step by step…ooh baby, gonna get to ya girl.’ Five sighed as he reached to turn off the noise. “Seriously Allison?”  
Last chance to redeem herself. He studied the cover and didn’t have high hopes. It was just the word ‘Spice’ in all capital letters, each letter contained a different girl smiling back at him. He checked his list for the right track. ‘2 Become 1.’ He stared at the atrocious grammar for a moment before figuring Allison would never know if he really listened to it.

He grabbed for the first song from Klaus’ list. “Lola” He pressed play and was pleasantly surprised when the sounds of an actual guitar began. The man’s voice was also quite nice. He sat back and wondered if he could really have something in common with Klaus. It was a bit too risqué for him, but he did appreciate the music and set it aside as a possibility as he picked up the next one.  
The Doors Soul Kitchen was a bit too psychedelic for Five. He thought of his brother’s time in Vietnam and wondered if this song had some deeper meaning. He smiled to himself as he thought about Klaus actually taking the time to make a real list for him instead of just silly things to throw him off.  
The next song was by far Five’s favorite of the day. A woman named Nina Simone. Her voice was haunting as she talked to Five about the ‘Sinnerman.’ He liked it but it really didn’t cause a spark in him. He thought about what Allison said about music speaking to you, and so far, nothing really sparked anything in him. His quest continued.  
Klaus’ last song was the least bit shocking as Five read it. “Heroine, by Velvet Underground.” He shook his head as he pushed play, “a little on the nose, don’t you think?” It was as most of Klaus’ picks. Good. He liked the music even if he didn’t like the lyrics. Maybe he would talk to Klaus later and get more suggestions.

Next up was Ben. He didn’t really know what to expect from Ben. Would he have his own favorites? Did he even listen to music without Klaus? A quick glance told him that the lists at least looked different. “Well, here goes nothing.”  
The music started much harder than Klaus’ songs. It was real music though, an electric guitar. When the singer started Five didn’t really hate it, but he didn’t like it either. He didn’t know what about it he didn’t like, almost like the guy wasn’t singing, just sort of shouting into the microphone. He picked up the list and re-read the selection, “All American Rejects. Well, you asked for it.” He laughed at his own joke as he turned the recording off. “I guess I’ll never know your dirty little secret.”

The next song started softer with the music. It was still upbeat but smoother. The lyrics were kind of silly but then when they got to the chorus Five realized that maybe Ben took the opportunity to play a little joke on him. “What’s my Age Again? Very funny.” He listened to the rest of the Blink 182 song and found himself bopping his head a bit. It wasn’t his favorite, but Ben went to the trouble of making an age joke, he figured he’d humor him by listening.  
With the third song, Five started seeing a pattern. Hard guitar, angsty scream singing, songs about being a misunderstood teen. As the song finished, Five mumbled “Well, My Chemical Romance, I hope someday you’ll be okay.”  
Five checked his watch, he had about an hour before the library closed and only 5 songs left. He was starting to worry that he may never find his favorite music. He sighed as he pushed play on the last song of Ben’s and sat back waiting for the inevitable guitar and cranky singer. He was not disappointed by Fall Out Boy. He wasn’t even sure what the heck Sugar We’re Going Down Swinging meant but he was sure it had something to do with angst.

“Please Vanya, have some taste.” Five hoped aloud before checking her list. When the sounds of David Bowie singing about Ziggy Stardust started, Five’s hopes started to get dashed. It was just like if Ben’s music and Klaus’ music somehow got combined and started singing about spiders from Mars. “Doesn’t anyone listen to anything simple?”  
Next up was Annie Lennox. Five looked at the cover for a moment, thinking about how pretty she was. He even thought for a moment she looked kind of like Delores. He would have to bring her a copy of this. When the woman started to sing, Five perked up. It was really beautiful. The song was a sad one but Five didn’t mind. The woman was asking ‘Why’ and Five really believed that she was frustrated with a lost love. He took out his pen and put a star next to her name on the list.   
The next song was much faster. It started out with a furious drumbeat followed by someone asking if ‘Steve, Andy, and Mick’ were ready. Ready for what? Five didn’t know but he came along for the ride anyway. He enjoyed the verses of this one but when the singer started screaming about the Ballroom Blitz he lost interest. Why did everyone have to scream? “Why can’t you be more like Ms. Lennox?” He asked The Sweet album before grabbing the final song on his list.  
Five isn’t sure what he expected from someone named Iggy Pop so he didn’t know if he was impressed or disappointed. He was pretty surprised at Vanya however. Her tastes were far closer to Klaus’ then he would have expected. He wondered if they knew that they had music in common. He did find the title of the song ironic, as a mere 6 months ago no one would have accused Vanya of having a ‘Lust for Life.’

Five left the library somewhat dejected. He hated failure. Once he considered this to be a task, a mission, he was determined to succeed. 24 songs from Six very different people and there was only a couple in the bunch he moderately enjoyed. Hardly enough data to make a clear decision on what he would consider his ‘favorite.’ As he slowly made his way back to the Academy, he passed by a small diner that looked inviting enough and, not wanting to get home just yet, went inside and took a seat at the counter.  
A short, portly woman walked up to him wearing one of those smiles that on anyone else would look fake, something learned from years working a counter. On her however, it looked real, like she really liked helping people. So much so that Five didn’t even mind when she said, “What can I get you sweetie?”  
“Coffee, black.”  
If she was surprised at a 13-year-old ordering coffee, she didn’t convey it. She probably had seen a lot in her years working this dive and his request was probably pretty low on the weird scale. “One coffee, coming right up.” She busied herself with the mug and the carafe as a man came out of the office. He nearly matched her in shape but was a few inches taller. He was balding and the pair of them looked like they treated all their customers like family, whether they liked it or not.  
When the mug was placed in front of him, Five took a sip and leaned back to close his eyes with a smile. “Now THAT, is a good cup of coffee.”  
“Thanks sugar.” She beamed. “With that attitude, you can come in here whenever you like.” The man gave a little chuckle and the couple went about other business as Five just sat back and enjoyed his coffee. After a few minutes, he started to notice how relaxed he was. It had been a while since he had considered himself relaxed and started to wonder how magical this coffee really was. It was then he realized, it wasn’t the coffee…it was the music.  
The man’s voice was rich and layered. He sang from somewhere deep in his soul and it spoke to Five as if the man was in this very diner giving him a private concert. The music was smooth and pleasant and Five caught himself grinning like an idiot. “Who is this?” he asked the man.  
“Who is what?”  
“The singer, who is it?”  
“Are you serious?” The man placed his hand over his chest mocking having his heart broken. “You don’t know who this is? Get out of my restaurant.”  
Five’s eyes widened, not expecting the man to get angry at him. He sat befuddled for a moment before the man laughed. “I’m just messing with you kid, relax.” Five furrowed his brow, trying to read the man for trustworthiness. “This is Frank Sinatra…you know, the greatest singer of all time?”  
“Frank Sinatra.” Five repeated the name as if he had been introduced to his soul mate. “Could you recommend more?”  
“More Sinatra?”  
“Yeah. Him and others like him.” Five looked at the man in wild anticipation.   
The man squinted his eyes and stared Five down for a moment. “Are you messing with me?”  
“No sir. I’ve spent my whole day searching for the right kind of music.” Reading the confusion on the man’s face, Five added, “It’s for a school project. We’re supposed to find a kind of music we don’t listen to that speaks to us. I didn’t think I’d find anything, luckily I came in here.”  
The man looked at his wife and she just grinned even wider than before, a feat Five didn’t think was possible. “I think I can help you. Wait here.” He walked back to the office and after a few minutes, came back holding a CD. He handed it to Five. “My kids made this for me a few years ago. It’s full of good stuff. Sinatra, Crosby, Torme’…you name it, it’s on here. It even has the song that is playing now. I think you’ll like it.”  
“I can’t take that, it was a gift.”  
“Don’t worry about it, my wife put it on the computer a few months ago, I can burn another copy.”  
Five reached out and took the CD, gently holding it as if it were made of fine crystal. “Thank you.”  
“I’m just happy to see someone as young as you appreciate the classics.”  
Five reached into his pocket for his wallet and the woman stepped up to the counter. “Coffee’s on us. Enjoy your music!”  
Five smiled at the couple and made a mental note to himself to come back to this place. For the coffee, definitely, but also for the owners. “Have a good night.” He waved and rushed out, eager to get home and enjoy his new possession. 

Five ran through the front door and ignored Klaus playfully shouting, “Where have you been all day mister?” from the kitchen. When he could no longer move his feet fast enough, he jumped the rest of the way to his room. He put the cd into his player and grabbed Delores, setting her down on the bed next to him. “Wait until you hear this. It’s what I’ve been looking for.” He reached out to play the first song, the one from the diner and paused. “Just don’t tell Luther that I fell in love with this song…I’ll never hear the end of it.” He pushed the button and laid back, blissfully closing his eyes as Sinatra started singing wistfully, “Fly Me to the Moon, and let me play among the stars…”   
Five listened to the entire CD twice before deciding to turn in for the night. In the morning he would deliver it to Allison so she could make a copy for the party, but for now…he hit play one more time and drifted off to sleep to the sounds of Sinatra and friends.


End file.
